Kovalam - The Blackpool of India

To escape the stifling, oppressive air of the ashram, we one more headed back to the beach. This time we set our sights on Kovalam - a small town with two main beaches edged with quaint, striped lighthouses.

We were dropped off back in the narrow alleyways that made up the majority of the town and we wove our way through them, checking out guesthouses and rooms, eventually finding our own little home, complete with a yoga friendly balcony, all for a little over fiver a night!

After unpacking a little, we took a walk and found the essentials - beer, food, cute kids and puppies.

Early to bed, early to rise and we definitely were. Both Debs and I were up not long after 7 and completed our first balcony yoga ritual = a walk past the beaches, a double dose of sweet chai and an hour or so of yoga. We were motivated and feeling good, but this didn't last for long.

The next morning we carried out a similar routine, however this time we went to an Indian teacher. The whole class was made up of a youthful looking Polish woman, an even more surprisingly young looking 83 year old French lady, Martine, Debs and myself. The teacher went through the usual breathing exercises, a few sun salutations and then jumped right in to headstands! It was more akin to yogarobics, but amazingly fun! We even did some laughing yoga which just involved walking around and forcing big, full bellied laughs.

After the energetic yoga session, we needed to head to the pharmacy to stock up on antihistamines and painkillers. A British guy, with hi two sons, offered us a lift on his motorbike and not fancying the steep climb we eagerly accepted.

From the moment I got on the bike I knew the ending would not be pretty! I was basically sat on a metal shelf at the back and there was no space for either Ameel or Debs to scooch forwards. When we started to climb the hill, the bike skidded on gravel and we all went flying from the bike. I hit my head, Ameel cut his legs (and gave a rather obscene show to onlookers and he seemed to have gone without underwear) and lucky Debs came away uninjured!

The bump on my head quickly developed into a cartoon like protrustion, sticking out a good inch and a half from my head! Given my newest ailment, we jumped in a rickshaw, picked up supplies and headed quickly back to the room. I spent the next four hours holding a sarong full of ice to my throbbing skull.

Soon enough, the lump was soothed, however a gigantic, galactic bruise appeared on my leg! One thing was clear - I was out of the yoga game!

Debs went once more but we quickly resigned ourselves to lazing on the beach, feeding puppies and avoiding the critical eyes of Martine!

After 4 days of pure laziness, we started to make plans for a cultural excursion to Kanyakumari - the Southern most opint of India.

Unknown to us, there were more injuries, Indian curiosities and adventure awaiting us.

Yoga Prison (A.K.A Sivananda Ashram)

When I set out to India, an ashram experience (basically a centre to practise yoga and meditation away from worldly distractions - spiritual, calming and gentle) was pretty high on my to do list, but what I found was so disappointing. Almost all aspects of Sivananda's 'yogacation' seemed like a money making, controlling, stifling, almost brain washing set up and though I wanted to stick it out, I realised I was wasting my time feeling more angry and more discontent. Here's a little of what happened during my four days there...

Still feeling the sinful pull of luxury travel, Debs and I opted for a rickshaw instead of a public bus. We knew it was 300 rupees well spent as the rickshaw trundled up the steep hill we would have otherwise been walking up!

Upon arrival at the ashram , we were given the usual sign in forms along with a medical sheet, rules and a hefty timetable. Soon after, we were handed piles of bedding and taken to the 20 bed form. At first it seemed pretty cushty, but after 10 minutes or so I started to noticed how rude and negative the people were there. I had envisaged a really peaceful, positive place, so this was a massive shock.

Our first real introduction to ashram life was dinner. For maybe ten minutes, we all queued outside and then the chanting began. "Hari Khrishna, Hari Khrishna." The chanting continued until the dinner hall was full, then we had to freeze wherever we were and listen to the prayers. From then on dinner time was silent. We ate on the floor and sat knee to knee with a metal thali tray balanced on our laps. You could get more of anything you wanted, but with only half an hour to eat and at least two rounds of people to get through, eating was done quickly.

After dinner, we had to buy yoga supplies - mats and trousers, from the ashram shop and then attempt to work out what was next.

Honestly, I wish we hadn't worked it out...next was our first satsang. Satsang was our twice a day meditation time. It started with silent meditation, which included a waft of burning tyre incense to the face! Then a good chunk of chanting to the Hindu gods, and in the evenings we ended with a lecture.

This first night was a soft introduction as we just had to sit through meditation, chanting and 90 minutes of people displaying their skills in 'Ashram's got talent'. Some were incredible, we saw acro-yoga and heard some amazing singers, but some were just plain awful and I wanted nothing more than to climb in to my little bed.
   By 10pm, I was practically sleeping cross-legged, a tricky skill. When we were set free at around 10:30pm, I almost ran to bed not knowing that the dorm nazis had enforced a fan ban! I sweated, tossed, turned and just as I dropped off I was rudely awoken with a couple of clanging hand-bells to the face. Apparently, this was the standard treatment for those still in bed by 5:30am.

I managed to drag myself out of bed, wash my face and set off for the first morning satsang. Unsure of what to do and where to go, we wandered around cursing the ten extra minutes in bed we could have had. Finally, us newbies were rounded up and told that meditation that morning would be a walk - a very gentle and easy introduction to the ashram.

We walked through the local village for around thirty minutes, until we came to a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains. Unfortunately, as soon as we arrived at this tranquil spot, the chanting began again.

We suffered through 4 or 5 long chants before heading back for morning tea and our first two hours of yoga. It was sweet, delicious chai and knowing this was the only pre-yoga energy I would get, I downed as much as possible!

We headed to the yoga session and our teacher was a wonderful happy Indian man who explained what we were doing and why. Apart from the incredibly long time spent rolling our eyes about, this was my favourite time of day.

From yoga, we headed to brunch, chanted, ate and escaped as soon as possible to enjoy our little fragment of free time! Debs napped and I lazed around in the garden, just happy to not be under the strict regime 24/7.
   The first real day became even lovelier when the 2pm lecture was cancelled and nap time could continue!

Sleep was soon interrupted by the next scheduled yoga session. It seemed our second session would be run by three trainees. One of whom, the leader, had an incredibly sing song voice and his call out for annn-kullllss during relaxation always had me in fits of giggles.

Dinner passed quickly and soon it was time for the much dreaded evening satstang. It was full power too! Thirty minutes of silent meditation, thirty minutes chanting and an hour long lecture about a mystery topic. It's fair to say it didn't hold my attention. Bed was the only thin I could think about and once more, when we were released, I ran back to the dorm.

Before I knew it, the bells started again. This time morning satsang showed its true colours! We were ushered into the hall, asked to sit "comfortably" with crossed legs and a straight spine and bombarded again. Meditation. Chanting. Back-ache. Chanting. Lecture. The only positive thing for me was the sound of roaring lions that could be heard during the meditation, but I then had to struggle not to tap Debs and ask if she heard!

The day continued as the previous one - tea, yoga, brunch, yoga, dinner, satsang, but we had the addition of our initiation, a reinforcement of the rules, the dishing out of Karma Yoga jobs, fittingly, I received the role of librarian, and finally an extra afternoon lecture, this one of the roots of yoga.

I managed to hide out during the lecture, but wasn't so clever when it came to the evening satsang. Instead, I had to endure the usual routine, plus a painful hour long talk on ayuverdic medicine. Although I wasn't particularly enthralled, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the bloke giving the talk as almost half of the people there spoke over him, played on their phone and were generally ignorant.
He was so distracted that he stuttered, repeated himself and finally gave up. I felt terrible for him, but relieved that I could stand up, lay down or do something other than sit cross legged on the floor!

The next day went on the same way and it was beginning to drag me down. I never thought I lacked discipline until I was put in to such a strict environment. When it came to the third evening's satsang, I couldn't take it anymore and hid in the toilets whilst everyone else was rounded up! Those 2 precious house were blissful.

On our final day, we went to morning satsang and decided it was all too much. We agreed to do one more yoga session and then make our great escape!

Getting out wasn't hard, but it wasn't exactly simple either. You needed and exit card to get past the security car and that meant paper work.

Eventually, we were handed our 'get out of jail free' cards and headed for the bus. First Trivandrum and then Kovalam - beach number 2!

The Pleasure Before the Pain...

 I initially thought Indian trains would be much comfier than Indian buses however this theory was tested and proved wrong on the trip to Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala. First of all, we had to wander the narrow corridors searching for seats, all the time trying not to hit those near the aisle with my always growing back pack! Then, when we'd found seats, it was not only a struggle to fit my admittedly sizable bum on the bench, but also we had to wrestle our backpacks and bags in to the space too!
   I spent most of the journey with my feet resting on the elderly man across from me, which he thought was hilarious and wasn't happy whenever I tried to move them. Unsurprisingly, both Debs and I had cricks in our necks and achy backs by the time we alighted, but no worries, we were heading somewhere special!

Our first mission was to buy newspapers, our latest indulgence, and breakfast. We ate in the Indian Coffee House which was housed in the most amazing building! A huge spiral with gorgeous fretwork windows and a never-ending stream of tables. The food was delicious too, all served by men in traditional uniforms. In true Indian style, these were incredibly smart, but all white and every single man was incredibly grubby.

After finishing breakfast, we jumped in a rickshaw to our luxurious hotel. It was glorious. Door men opened the large glass doors for us (something we later find we actually couldn't do without ruining the carpets!) and seeing the pool was, I imagine, how a camel feels when he sees an oasis in the desert - filled with sweet, sweet relief. Our room was the nutella on the pancake, minus the view anyway, gigantic pillows, fluffy duvets and my favourite thing - a bath tube!
  I probably spent the first hour and half lounging around the bath, listening to music and drying my hair with an actual hair-dryer.

When we finally took a stroll to explore the city, I instantly fell in love.  It had an intoxicating mix of beautiful temples, modern shopping malls and delicious food. Our first stop was to explore some of the delicious food. We went to Azad's and ordered the famous mutton roast. It was incredible. People say India is for vegetarians, but the meat! So slowly cooked and tender with perfect spicing! More please!

From there, we wandered through the streets, dipping in and out of malls and spending an incredible amount of time buying flannels in a supermarket.

On our wanders, we also passed two temples, both completely different. One was a towering stone building, peaceful and glowing in the sunset; the other was strong, dark marble - a busy hive of coconut tossing and bare chested planking!

We slept like the dead, feasted on gigantic thalis and left ready for our ashram experience...or so we thought.